Last Laugh Things only a mother would say… MONA LISA’s MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?” HUMPTY DUMPTY’s MOTHER: “Humpty, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me?” CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS’ MOTHER: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered Christopher, you could have written!” NAPOLEON’s MOTHER: “All right Napoleon. If you’re not hiding that report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!” BATMAN’s MOTHER: “It’s a nice car Bruce, but do you realise how much the insurance will cost?” LITTLE MISS MUFFET’s MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be a lot more spiders round here.” ALBERT EINSTEIN’s MOTHER: “But Albert, it’s your school picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something….?” JONAH’s MOTHER: “That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve REALLY been for the past three days?” THOMAS EDISON’s MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb dear. Now turn off that light and get to bed.” • The meaning of opaque is unclear. • I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind. • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming. • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down. • It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you. • So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘apocalypse’? It’s not the end of the world. • The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester. • Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy. March 2023 { 44 }
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