Swings + Roundabouts Spring 2020

LAST LAUGH “If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” ~Jay Leno~ “The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” ~ Henry Cate, VII ~ “We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.” ~Aesop~ “Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.” ~ Nikita Khrushchev ~ “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.” ~Clarence Darrow ~ “Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.” ~Author unknown~ “I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.” ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952. ~ “A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.” ~ Tex Guinan ~ “I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” ~ Charles de Gaulle ~ “Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.” ~ Doug Larson ~ As e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) continue to erode the written language, perhaps it is time for an English language lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. HALF PAGE You’ve got the experience. Now get the CATEGORY PROVIDER This means you can have quality of all our programmes. 1 For more info call 0800 244 532 or email studentservices@ecnz.ac.nz Applications are open now! ecnz.ac.nz/become-a-teacher September 2020 { 46 }