Voss advocates getting the other person to say the word ‘no’. A meaningful ‘no’ is more valuable than a meaningless ‘yes’, particularly when ‘yes’ is used to brush off a valid concern. In hostage situations, Voss will say things like, “it looks like you don’t want to go back to jail”, and then he will repeat what the other party says. Voss strongly advocates repeating the last three or four words that the other person has said. This tactic demonstrates that you have been listening to the conversation, and that you recognise what the other person is feeling. It also reinforces the point that the other person has got their message across to you, and that you are both on the same wavelength. Using these methods, Voss successfully negotiated with three heavily-armed men, over a six hour period, before they surrendered to him. One of the gunmen said, “We didn’t want to get caught or get shot … you calmed us down. We finally believed you wouldn’t go away, so we just came out.” As you might imagine, there is more to this than just empathy, closed questions, and repetition. Negotiation is an art, rather than a science, and Voss acknowledges that different negotiators can have different negotiating styles. In particular, he identifies three negotiating styles, based on common behaviour patterns. These negotiating styles are Assertive (controlling, forceful, and abrupt), Accommodating (relationshiporiented, and focussed on earning approval), About the author Phil Sales is specialist business coach, interested in 'cool stuff' in the business development sector. For more about Phil, see https://iact15.wixsite.com/iactltd/who-we-are and Analytical (slower, evidence-based, and data-focussed). The trick is to identify which style you are dealing with, and to respond accordingly. Once we know the style of the other person then we can start labelling and mirroring their concerns. If that sounds a bit cynical and judgemental, then consider that we will be more effective when we can turn their emotion into words, and then play those words back to the other person. Remember also that we are dealing with difficult situations, rather than obstructive people. However much it may feel otherwise, a good negotiation is not a battle! Realistically, it is unlikely that any of us will start our own negotiation training business, regardless of our interest and experience in this area. However, we are likely to find ourselves in a variety of negotiation situations, ranging from relatively simple disagreements over whose turn it is to buy the coffee, through to contract negotiations following a successful job interview. Paying a bit of attention to the way that successful negotiation processes work should be a priority for all of us, and a key skill which we should seek to add to our repertoire. A win-win situation based on compromise is likely to be sub-optimal for all parties, whereas a win-win based on a genuine understanding of what people really want will probably benefit everyone. So, the next time that you find yourself in a negotiation situation, then maybe try some Black Swan Tactical Empathy®. As they say, a bit more understanding of other people might just make the world a better place for all of us! THE PREFERRED MULTI-SEAT STROLLER FOR EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION. 4Quickly & Safely seat up to six young children in an evacuation event 4One double stroller & up to twelve different seating arrangements (you choose) 4Walk a mix of 0-4 year olds on excursions 4Easily folds down for storage Walking kids is healthy for our planet. Facebook Instagram Linkedin 0273693487 patricia@kinderpod.com WWW.KINDERPOD.COM July 2024 { 39 }
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